Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
