someone get that fucking seahorse.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
