Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
operation have a gay friend backfired
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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