You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize