doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
