I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Someone shit on the floor
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Randomize
