i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
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