Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
