I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Randomize
