I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
where are my eyebrows?
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