I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
