Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
