you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
