listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
