I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
