i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
