I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
high people should be assigned attendants
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
