i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
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