Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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