wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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