Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
