God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
