I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Randomize
