I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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