Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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