I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
