Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Randomize
