he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Just invented taco cereal.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
