I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Randomize
