i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
