Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize
