No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
