I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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