I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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