i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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