I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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