We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize