just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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