I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
