Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
