You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
