Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize