Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize