Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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