I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
