i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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