I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
