Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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