matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
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