please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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