hell yes lets make some ravioli
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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