I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
You made out with two different species that night
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize