Redeem this text for a blowjob
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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