I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Randomize
