i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
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