i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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