I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
