if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
