my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I wear drunk well.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
