Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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