Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
