you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
