I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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