im having a threesome with these popsicles
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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