You made me cry and you don't even care
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
