totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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