Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
