she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize