Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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