I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
