Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
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