alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
