In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
