We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
