she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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