I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
