3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
