she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
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