i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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