You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
