He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
