4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize