Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Randomize
