if i can run in heels then i can drive
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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