hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
