is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Randomize
