Well apparently he's into motor boating.
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
