Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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