Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize