Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
