Only a mothe r could love this liver
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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