i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
