I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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