I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
