I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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