College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
