When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Randomize
