O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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