When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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