well I can't set my house on fire every night
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
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